I Believe Government is the Problem

I believe government is the problem.

I believe that major American corporations will pay a decent wage to their workers without a government-imposed minimum wage.

I believe that American companies will put the safety of their workers first without government-mandated safety regulations.

I believe that American industries will do everything in their power to keep our world clean and healthy without government-imposed environmental standards.

I believe that American insurance companies will offer health insurance coverage to people with pre-existing conditions without a law requiring them to do so.

I believe that the people who run American corporations and who run Wall Street firms are so fair-minded, generous, and just that they would never do anything that might hurt homeowners, investors, or pensioners and thus need no governmental regulatory burden placed upon them.

I believe that automobile companies want consumers to become less dependent on fossil fuels and so will voluntarily and willingly increase the mileage standards of their vehicles without the government requiring them to do so.

I believe that oil companies want America to find and develop alternative fuel sources and in the meantime need to be allowed to drill for oil anywhere since finding and developing alternative sources is just hard and so the government needs to quit trying to push us in that direction.

I believe that there is no correlation between the level of gun ownership and the murder rate, even though statistics show that the United States, which has the highest gun ownership rate in the world, also has the highest murder rate of any country in the industrialized world that's not Mexico, and so there is no need for the government to take any interest in our guns.

I believe that human activity does not contribute to climate change and that, even if it does, we need jobs now more than we need a planet in the future and so the government needs to quit trying to limit the emission of greenhouse gases.

I believe that the causes of civil rights and equal treatment of all Americans would have made more progress more quickly had the federal government not gotten involved and would make more continued progress if the government would not get involved.

I believe that on the night before Easter, a bunny rabbit goes to homes with children and leaves them baskets filled with chocolate bunnies and candy eggs.

I believe that the moon is made of green cheese.

I believe that when a child loses a tooth, a fairy comes into her or his room and, without waking the child, leaves money under her or his pillow.

I believe I’ll stop now …